The best offense is a good defense.
You have heard the saying, "The best defense is a good offense." As with so much folk wisdom, this statement puts the cart before the horse. In truth, the best offense--that is, the best way to make yourself happy and everyone else miserable--is a good defense. I refer here to defense in the classic psychoanalytic sense of the word. Your defenses are one part of your brain keeping you happy by preventing the rest of your brain from seeing that you really don't measure up.
You see, there is a part of your brain that has the job of keeping you comfortable. This is the part of your brain that tells you to loosen the tie that has been turning your face purple for the past eight hours. It is the part that tells you to politely exclaim what a long day it's been when Jim and Susan start yelling at each other over dessert. It is the part that tells you you should be relaxing by the pool with a martini instead of digging post-holes in the 110 degree heat.
Within that part of your brain lies your Department of Defense.Your DOD is made up of a bunch of crew-cutted old ex-marines. Their motto is, "We're soldiers, not philosophers." They're not into touchy-feely stuff like "values clarification." Their job is to protect you from the painful realization that you are a crummy person by contemporary standards. It's not their job to ask whether "contemporary standards" are right or wrong, whether they really have anything to do with a good life. They just see that by those standards you fall, shall we say, a little bit short and they take seriously their job of sparing you that painful realization.
Eventually, I will get around to explaining to you the inner workings of your DOD. I will share insightful tips on how you can ensure your DOD is always well-funded and never subject to anything like the "sequester" that those ninnies in Congress came up with. Because the best Offense is a good Defense.